Lightning In A Bottle 2011

Did I have a good time at Lightning In A Bottle? Good is not the word, I had an amazing experience. It was wonderful. Lightning in a bottle was just what I needed. I didn’t know it but I am kind of sick of big mass corporate festivals that are over 60 acres and controlled by MTV. I don’t know how many people there were but I do know that they were all smiling, there were no huge lines and you always had space to dance. Everyone gave hugs and smiles as you walked by, they make you food and smoke with you, they sit by you in the shade while you are watching hoola hoopers and artists painting right in front of you, yoga sessions going on on the hill and a hug deli behind you.

I just graduated college and at this point in my life I am lost, scared, confused, and nervous. At lighting in a bottle I met a man who made me cry from his profound words. Joey made me realize that I don’t have to do anything. I don’t HAVE to do ANYTHING. I don’t have to please anyone but myself and from that I will find what I always wish for when its 11:11, or when I go through a tunnel and hold my breath, or when I blow out my birthday candles, happiness.

The box office was at a location 4 miles away from the festival. At the festival we parked our car and got on a shuttle to take us to the camping area. Already on the shuttle we had a community smoke sesh and community pass of the trail mix. Neighbors are true neighbors and home is your camp and lightning in a bottle is your city. Never before have I met so many people that would have an affect on my life. The last night I bet Bobby from Seattle. It was at the beginning of Bonobo and he was tall and beautiful. He helped me realize that I am looking for something and that traveling will open my eyes. I never did get his information, but I miss him and can’t wait to see him again sometime.

Looking back now a day later I can say that I am very glad I went. I am at a place where I am open to any possibility and lighting in a bottle was the place that helped me realize it. It’s ok to be lost and scared and confused but always remember to dance and smile, they will save you.

He said don’t let life pass you by…live it up.

Only 5 weeks left of college. 5 weeks left of this 5 year roller coaster ride. Each year was so different, full of soooo many different things and people and moments and events. 5 years in Tucson and its finally coming to an end. I AM SO READY TO LEAVEEEEE. Im so ready for nobody to tell me what to do anymore. no homework. no “you have to finish school” just me.

Waterpark party this weekend

Camping in Sedona next weekend

Long beach the next weekend

Then there are 3 weeks left to soak it up because I don’t see myself coming back for a while.

I know my heart is a little shattered but I have to live it up!!!!!!

After the Australian left after the summer I was a mess. I was a depressed mess for months. After I left the Australian in January I was a mess. I was a depressed, confused mess. A couple months passed and I finally was ok. I finally was happy with being by myself. I knew that being with a man and loving him and leaving him took it all out of me and I needed to focus on loving myself unconditionally. I was anti men, I knew that I wasn’t ready but then he came into my life the moment I began to be happy again. FUCK.

But now he is gone, like the Australian. Im glad that I told him what I needed to say. With the Australian he was the one that told me all the time how much he loved me and he was the first to say it. With the American it was me. I couldn’t hold it in and I guess he could. Makes me look and feel like a fool. But now I feel sad and scared all over again because he is gone. This process sucks, I just have to let it take its course and let time pass, that’s the only way.

“The story

Of life is quicker

Than the wink of an eye

The story of love

Is hello and goodbye

Until we meet again”

--- Jimi Hendrix

Today is a monumental day for me. Today was the day that I told him how I felt.

It has been bothering me for weeks. I tried to get over it. Iv had to get over many things before so I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I know that I have high standards and I know someone will try and try until I am theirs so I don’t settle but I couldn’t get over this one. So today I met him in front of a house and was shaking and teary and told him that I liked him, that I never liked anyone like I like him. I have never liked anyone like that because no body is like that. Then he kissed me and told me he liked me too.

I feel fabulous that I got this off my chest. I felt myself being bitchy and angry for the last couple weeks and I hated it. I feel great that I can finally move on and be myself! He is leaving town for good tomorrow and out of my life but I had to tell him because keeping it inside was driving me crazy. April 3, 2011- wholly shit.

life

Everyone is always going through something in their lives. Sometimes bad things happen and then with time things start to settle down and before you know it, your happy and you thank G-- everyday that things are so great. Then the cycle starts. I dont know how long the stops last but i do know they dont last forever.

you just have to come to accept that things are happening whether you like it or not. people may not return feelings and you may be crushed. someone you care about may have something very big happen in their lives that shakes you and you cant do anything about it. the safe little world you know is quickly coming to an end. i have to accept all these things.

Murs

Tonight its going to see MURS. I have been excited since I heard about it. club congress in Tucson, im proud of you.

all sold out

Coachella was my first music festival, and it was magical. As soon as the car ride home did we all talk about next year and how great it would be. I knew that nothing could be as wonderful as the first time but all year I have looked forward to being back there.

Coachella tickets finally went on sale last week and they sold out a few days later. Option 1 is pay a ridiculous amount for a ticket. They removed the work trade program too, no longer can you work for a free ticket. Option 2 is sneak in which im sure a few people will do. I want it to just fall into my lap.

Is the rest of the world who knows the beauty of Coachella not going to be able to experience it!?