the fourth day

I was woken up by the heat, yes, but mostly because of fear. Fear that my eye would fall off. So I quickly put on some clothes, a hat, a pair of sunglasses, got the prescription for my eye medication that they gave me last night and walked to the info desk to get directions to wall greens.

The lady gave me a face, “honey, wall greens is far. You have to leave Bonnaroo.”

I had no choice. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to come stocked with medicine for an infection that spreads like crazy, especially if you’re making a town of 100,000 people? I wish Bonnaroo had thought of that before putting a giant fountain that everyone showers in in the middle of centeroo. But hey, like everything, you have to take what shit you have. So I started walking. Half hour. My eye was hurting so bad, like a sharp piece of glass was in it and tearing it apart. I knew I had a long way to go. Then a tuck stopped next to me. Nice man drove me to the exit. There I asked a police man how to get to wallgreens,

“I have pink eye and I need medicine.”

He asked one of those people who buy and sell tickets to drive me. I got on the back of his tractor and we drove to his car. Then Matt drove us out of Bonnaroo, into town, to wallgreens to find it closed, and then he drove me to the rite aid pharmacy and waited for me to come out 30 minutes later with my medicine. It was his 23^rd birthday too.

He drove me back but dropped me off at the entrance because he had to work. I hitched back with 2 other people before getting dropped off some place familiar. I got back to my tent 2 hours later to find the gang exactly how I left them, almost dead looking. An hour later we were up and ready to start our final day. This time we were dragging our feet. Dana, Katie, and I slept everywhere we went that day. We went to the Budweiser tent where they sprayed you with a hose and had misting fans. They had tents where we took a nap on the ground and met 2 really cute guys. We walked to the ford factory. It was a room of salvation. It had air conditioning, couches, TVs, radios, carpet, we passed out for like 2 hours there and sat on the couch for another hour. Finally we got energy back to see Dave Mathews band. Boy did we get energy.

Before Dave, we asked some guys for weed, then some guys who had weed came up to us and we all sat down in the middle of the field and had a friendly smoke sesh. Right in the middle of the crowd like it was no big deal. It struck me and it pains me to think that people would look at us and say we were criminals, we are dangerous druggies doing illegal things. But look around, the reason these wonderful music festivals exist is to keep those bad people out and so we can live in a land that is how we want, that is peace and love and harmony.

The next day, concaved and nearly dehydrated, we said our goodbyes to our friends. We rode 5 hours back to South Carolina. The next day, we flew back to phoenix. The next day I’m sitting in my room in Tucson writing all about Bonnaroo.

I’m sure there are things I have missed here and I’m sure I will write stories about this one time and that one dude for weeks but for now, this is what I could come up with about my time at bonnaroo.

It was paradise in mud. It was a vacation in dirt. It is necessary for every loving soul to recharge and keep on loving.

5 days from now

is it meant to be?

I have some kind of anticipation going on inside of me. I feel like I'm anxious about something and honestly I am. I’m awaiting what is going to happen in my life 3 weeks from now. there’s no point of beating around the bush so I’m just going to tell the story, for those of you who already haven’t guessed, I fell head over heels for an Australian when I went there for a month long trip 5 months ago.

He knew my friends from the states, so they advised me to look him up since I was going to Australia and he lived there, it made sense. I had travelled in Australia for 2 weeks when I called him up and I went to the city that he was in, Melbourne. It started off as the awkwardness of a familiar face but not a familiar friend, a beer, and a walk through the park. After the first day we didn’t leave each other for a week. He fell for me, so he said, and I fell for him. I remember the night he told me about his feelings for me and I remember the night I told him mine, two different nights. But the fairy tale soon ended because I had to keep on travelling and he had to go home, which was the opposite side of Australia from where I was going. So that was that, we loved and we could not be together.

Surprise marina, he’s coming to the states for two months. To be with me, to be with his friends, to be in America, to explore, to fall harder and make it harder to leave or to fall out of our former romance and make it easier to leave. He made all these plans for “us” and I can’t wait to finally see him again. My eyes are welling with tears just writing this, and it has been 5 months since IV seen him. We talk on the phone, and I thought that would never be enough for me, but he has made me want to keep talking to him with no possibility of seeing him, he taught me how to calm down and learn to love from a distance. Only now I am starting to resent the fact that he stole my heart and I cant have it back. Something inside me has changed. I have had no desire for other men, which is devastating for me. This summer will be but another adventure in my life. I have no idea where my mind will be in August, or how it will even be the very first time I see him in June.

I’ve missed him everyday.

i've seen better days

Sublime is playing all over Long Beach today and in my house in Tucson. the dearly missed Bradley Nowell died 14 years ago today. I dont know a single band that has made such an impact on a group of people, on a place by the beach, on a generation, on a town, on long beach city, than Sublime.

if he knew what he has done to the world of music...he would die all over again. some how i got lucky enough to actually go into his former apartment on broadway in long beach. i went there to hang out and didnt know it was a monument. when my friend told me i literally screamed. ya thats how much i love Sublime.

hands up Long Beach and Sublime lovers everywhere

happy birthday to B.I.G, yesterday!

sucks

This topic has caused me much dismay. I never thought I would say this but there do come times when you have to let people go that do not bring you happiness anymore.

I have been struggling with this for a few months, really a few years. I want to be surrounded by people that have positive energy and bring me up, challenge me and excite me, be able to talk and have fun with me and not people that I have to take a deep breath and prepare myself not try to smile when I’m around them. There does come a point when you say enough and the talking must stop.

you have to know that you are enough.

http://www.sbeckerpaints.com/

When I moved into my house there was a painting hanging up in my room of a lady covering herself with a white cloth and whose eyes are closed but looking down. I rent a room from an artist named Sara Becker, her daughter goes to school with me and lives in the house. All through the house are amazing original, creative, paintings and I love the colors in them. They compliment any shade of sun and brightness and have heart.