is it meant to be?

I have some kind of anticipation going on inside of me. I feel like I'm anxious about something and honestly I am. I’m awaiting what is going to happen in my life 3 weeks from now. there’s no point of beating around the bush so I’m just going to tell the story, for those of you who already haven’t guessed, I fell head over heels for an Australian when I went there for a month long trip 5 months ago.

He knew my friends from the states, so they advised me to look him up since I was going to Australia and he lived there, it made sense. I had travelled in Australia for 2 weeks when I called him up and I went to the city that he was in, Melbourne. It started off as the awkwardness of a familiar face but not a familiar friend, a beer, and a walk through the park. After the first day we didn’t leave each other for a week. He fell for me, so he said, and I fell for him. I remember the night he told me about his feelings for me and I remember the night I told him mine, two different nights. But the fairy tale soon ended because I had to keep on travelling and he had to go home, which was the opposite side of Australia from where I was going. So that was that, we loved and we could not be together.

Surprise marina, he’s coming to the states for two months. To be with me, to be with his friends, to be in America, to explore, to fall harder and make it harder to leave or to fall out of our former romance and make it easier to leave. He made all these plans for “us” and I can’t wait to finally see him again. My eyes are welling with tears just writing this, and it has been 5 months since IV seen him. We talk on the phone, and I thought that would never be enough for me, but he has made me want to keep talking to him with no possibility of seeing him, he taught me how to calm down and learn to love from a distance. Only now I am starting to resent the fact that he stole my heart and I cant have it back. Something inside me has changed. I have had no desire for other men, which is devastating for me. This summer will be but another adventure in my life. I have no idea where my mind will be in August, or how it will even be the very first time I see him in June.

I’ve missed him everyday.

i've seen better days

Sublime is playing all over Long Beach today and in my house in Tucson. the dearly missed Bradley Nowell died 14 years ago today. I dont know a single band that has made such an impact on a group of people, on a place by the beach, on a generation, on a town, on long beach city, than Sublime.

if he knew what he has done to the world of music...he would die all over again. some how i got lucky enough to actually go into his former apartment on broadway in long beach. i went there to hang out and didnt know it was a monument. when my friend told me i literally screamed. ya thats how much i love Sublime.

hands up Long Beach and Sublime lovers everywhere

happy birthday to B.I.G, yesterday!

sucks

This topic has caused me much dismay. I never thought I would say this but there do come times when you have to let people go that do not bring you happiness anymore.

I have been struggling with this for a few months, really a few years. I want to be surrounded by people that have positive energy and bring me up, challenge me and excite me, be able to talk and have fun with me and not people that I have to take a deep breath and prepare myself not try to smile when I’m around them. There does come a point when you say enough and the talking must stop.

you have to know that you are enough.

http://www.sbeckerpaints.com/

When I moved into my house there was a painting hanging up in my room of a lady covering herself with a white cloth and whose eyes are closed but looking down. I rent a room from an artist named Sara Becker, her daughter goes to school with me and lives in the house. All through the house are amazing original, creative, paintings and I love the colors in them. They compliment any shade of sun and brightness and have heart.

you're so small and its so Grande

making out is one of my favorite things to do. Its fun and you get to let another side of you, I guess show. But now I have given up hope (well not all hope) that making out will be wonderful until I make out with the last person that made me feel wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, past boys I made out with, you’re all good kissers but it’s the fucking emotional side that’s not letting me enjoy it. I did hear that emotions will get the best of me, but come on this is bullshit. So my dear Australian, come back and make out with me.