when it hit me

The goal is to exit as fast as you can.

Get out of there and start your life

That was not my goal. Leaving never was a big part of my thinking. Every year it keeps getting better. How can it keep rising, but it does. Don’t anticipate it and it is getting unimaginably great.

So the purpose of coming to college is to get out fast. My purpose was to experience. Now after 4 years of this life it finally hits me that the end is near. I didn’t acknowledge an ending ever before, to me there never was one.

She mapped out the rest of college on a piece of white paper. One year and I’m out.

I’m out.

I am scared, like a turtle I want to hide my head back in my shell, close my eyes and shed tears, hold my hands tight and long for this to not be over.

College is my shell. There will be no shell for the turtle to hide in. no savior from scary things or dry windy things. With one fast four year funnel ride, when the turtle needs to be itself, it will not have its shell.

I wrote that back in September. Its march. Im not scared anymore. I travelled to Australia for a month by myself and loved that life, that Marina. I fell in love with a guy from Australia, my first real thing ever. Now I cant wait to start travelling and living that free life. ooh ya, only one more year.