After the Australian left after the summer I was a mess. I was a depressed mess for months. After I left the Australian in January I was a mess. I was a depressed, confused mess. A couple months passed and I finally was ok. I finally was happy with being by myself. I knew that being with a man and loving him and leaving him took it all out of me and I needed to focus on loving myself unconditionally. I was anti men, I knew that I wasn’t ready but then he came into my life the moment I began to be happy again. FUCK.

But now he is gone, like the Australian. Im glad that I told him what I needed to say. With the Australian he was the one that told me all the time how much he loved me and he was the first to say it. With the American it was me. I couldn’t hold it in and I guess he could. Makes me look and feel like a fool. But now I feel sad and scared all over again because he is gone. This process sucks, I just have to let it take its course and let time pass, that’s the only way.

“The story

Of life is quicker

Than the wink of an eye

The story of love

Is hello and goodbye

Until we meet again”

--- Jimi Hendrix

Today is a monumental day for me. Today was the day that I told him how I felt.

It has been bothering me for weeks. I tried to get over it. Iv had to get over many things before so I didn’t think it would be a big deal. I know that I have high standards and I know someone will try and try until I am theirs so I don’t settle but I couldn’t get over this one. So today I met him in front of a house and was shaking and teary and told him that I liked him, that I never liked anyone like I like him. I have never liked anyone like that because no body is like that. Then he kissed me and told me he liked me too.

I feel fabulous that I got this off my chest. I felt myself being bitchy and angry for the last couple weeks and I hated it. I feel great that I can finally move on and be myself! He is leaving town for good tomorrow and out of my life but I had to tell him because keeping it inside was driving me crazy. April 3, 2011- wholly shit.

life

Everyone is always going through something in their lives. Sometimes bad things happen and then with time things start to settle down and before you know it, your happy and you thank G-- everyday that things are so great. Then the cycle starts. I dont know how long the stops last but i do know they dont last forever.

you just have to come to accept that things are happening whether you like it or not. people may not return feelings and you may be crushed. someone you care about may have something very big happen in their lives that shakes you and you cant do anything about it. the safe little world you know is quickly coming to an end. i have to accept all these things.

Murs

Tonight its going to see MURS. I have been excited since I heard about it. club congress in Tucson, im proud of you.

all sold out

Coachella was my first music festival, and it was magical. As soon as the car ride home did we all talk about next year and how great it would be. I knew that nothing could be as wonderful as the first time but all year I have looked forward to being back there.

Coachella tickets finally went on sale last week and they sold out a few days later. Option 1 is pay a ridiculous amount for a ticket. They removed the work trade program too, no longer can you work for a free ticket. Option 2 is sneak in which im sure a few people will do. I want it to just fall into my lap.

Is the rest of the world who knows the beauty of Coachella not going to be able to experience it!?

let it hang

Every house I have seen in Australia comes with a clothes line in the backyard. Some even have highly constructed ones that spin around and have many branches. Now its not regular to hang clothes on a clothes hanger, everyone wants to use a dryer. There are many ways to look at this and many thoughts are stirring.

When you dry your clothes in the open air it gives a sense of nature in your clothes. Natural winds and smells instead of energy powered wind that doesn’t have a story of where it came from. And there’s the obvious point of saving electricity and energy and space. It’s a win win here.

Obviously hanging clothes on a clothesline and then taking them off hours later does take time and energy, THAT’S GOOD. Since when is exuding energy outside and taking time in the silence and stirring of nature a bad thing.

Since I have come back from Australia I have been hanging my clothes to dry on the clothesline outside. I love doing it and I enjoy being in the sun by myself for a few minutes, I love getting outside and stretching and feeling the warmth.

Just something I was thinking while hanging up my clothes.

"funny how artists are told to specialize, as though curiosity isn't a talent, while wise investors diversify."

Caleb Neelon from JUXTAPOZ